Uncategorized

To be loved and accepted is a basic human need. As children we feel good about ourselves when we receive positive strokes from our environment. In the absence of which, we could enter into a pattern of behaviour to get these needs met. A series of well-crafted transactions could help the person get what he didn’t get from his environment in the developmental years. This method of trying to gain love and acceptance leads to games which is an unhealthy way of getting physical and psychological needs met. The players are unaware of their game plan which comes naturally to them. This pulls down communication lines and in turn affects relationships. ...

Most of our learning happened as little children. Our subconscious mind was programmed between the age of 0–7 years. This was the time when we could make very little sense of what was happening to us. Our filters were not established and everything that we heard about ourselves was swallowed straight in, may be due to repetition by role models or due to emotions we attached to each experience. As infants, we did not have language to process what was happening to us. We only knew, feels good and feels bad. That became the template for learning and to this day our emotions guide our behaviours. These emotions are a big part of our subconscious mind which was programmed in our growing years. ...

Have you noticed how a simple word can impact the meaning of what we are trying to say? The usage of the word BUT is interesting, especially while giving someone feedback. Look at these examples : “You are a nice person but you need to change the way you communicate” “You are a good cook but you can improve on the salads you make” “You are pretty but you need to lose some weight” (run after saying this!) ...

Has it ever happened to you that someone complimented you for something and you wondered if it was genuine or sarcastic? Or may be someone said they were happy for you but didn’t really look happy? In ulterior transactions two messages are conveyed at the same time — a social message on top and the psychological message at the bottom. So it appears like you are saying one thing but actually there is something else you are trying to convey (left to the intelligence of the receiver). ...