I once met a young man who had difficulty holding a conversation with a woman. He wanted to get into a relationship, but whenever his type of lady walked into the room, he didn’t have the courage to initiate a conversation. If she spoke to him first, he got cold feet and excused himself. Needless to say, this wasn’t getting him anywhere.

When I asked him what his fear was, he said that nobody would like him. The thought of getting rejected by an attractive person was devastating for him. I told him that he had no difficulty talking to his friends; so, what was the difference there? He said he wasn’t scared there because he wasn’t attached to the result of the conversation.

Attachment to things causes us to act in ways to push those things away. Our anxiety about the outcome makes us forget our speech on stage, ward off potential partners, or mess up important business deals. If we were to accept that not everyone is going to like us, date us or want to work with us… what would that do for us? We would stop yearning for the love and approval of others and be free to be ourselves. This will translate into our behavior. When people see us being ourselves confidently, they will be more open to giving us what we want.

We get what we want by not wanting it too much.


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