According to the renowned family therapist Virginia Satir, there are primarily 5 personality types. (You can also watch my video on this. Please maintain gender neutrality while going over this content.)
When you are in a difficult situation, your communication style changes to cope with the stress. You unconsciously take actions to deflect your feelings. Do you identify with any of these?
Blamer: This personality type does not take any responsibility for his contribution to a situation. He blames others and is usually the one to initiate the conflict.
People-pleaser: The people-pleaser takes more than his share of responsibility for a problem. He needs the approval of others, almost like his life depends on it. He is preoccupied with what others think of him. Usually, the blamer and people-pleaser operate in an ecosystem where one complements the other.
Computer: When faced with a problem he behaves clinically and masks his emotions.
Distractor: tries to distract everybody from the core problem using humor or talking about irrelevant subjects.
What is common in all these coping strategies? The person doesn’t allow himself to go deeper into his feelings. He tries to shift the focus away from the problem to get some temporary relief from the anxiety of facing his feelings.
The 5th personality type is called the leveler or the assertive person. The leveler lives in the now and how. He operates out of his adult function. He takes responsibility for his contribution to situations and works on solving the issues at hand, without blaming anyone for them.
Identify your personality type from the above and see if it is already a leveler or needs to move toward it. For more ways to get through to difficult people, buy my course on Udemy at 80% OFF using the discount coupon on this page (limited-time deal).