According to the renowned family therapist Virginia Satir, there are primarily 5 personality types. When you are in a difficult situation, your communication style changes to cope with the stress. You unconsciously take actions to deflect your feelings. Do you identify with any of these?
At work, they often appraise us based on our results. If we don’t crack that deal, make a sale, or get more clients, our efforts aren’t recognized. When we reach the stage of having a performance appraisal, we aren’t able to sell what we did when it didn’t get the intended result.
I once met a young man who had difficulty holding a conversation with a woman. He wanted to get into a relationship, but whenever his type of lady walked into the room, he didn’t have the courage to initiate a conversation. If she spoke to him first, he got cold feet and excused himself. Needless to say, this wasn’t getting him anywhere.
We often believe that if we don’t say how we are feeling, people will not know. Invariably, people catch our energy and feel the same way about us. The world of the unspoken is mysterious indeed. Ironically, it is far more accurate than the spoken world.
People stop trusting you when you hurt them. If they believe you did so consciously and intentionally, then even more so. If they think you are a person who breaks their promises, doesn’t live up to commitments, manipulates them or speaks about them to others, they are skeptical about you.